© Joya P. Gallasch
In the year 2018 I had my very first operation. One I hoped I would never ever have to go through. Hours later I experienced a near-death experience that would change my life forever.
I always believed that dis-ease is a teacher and once you find the energetic, karmic, or emotional cause, it can heal.
When my uncle died 18 years earlier, I started to get memories of sexual abuse. Shortly after that I was diagnosed with a tumor. It turned out to be a grape-fruit size, benign tumor called fibroid. It lived on a stem like a flower behind my uterus.
Like a mad scientist I began to do research. A hysterectomy was out of the question. I was young. I was determined to heal naturally and holistically.
Guided to a book by a woman whose fibroid dissolved after she had discovered it’s energetic cause, I decided to create the same success story.
I applied any healing technique that promised to help. Made dietary changes. Had Chi Nei Tsang massages. Meditated. Journaled. Danced. Fasted. Juiced. Went on inner journeys. Shamanic trips. Did therapy, somatic experience, family constellation, bio-decoding, ancestral female clearings and even psychic surgery with Maori healers.
Every time I completed yet ‘another’ healing session, I truly believed “now” I have found the cause and it has to dissolve.” It did not. For years.
Then my back started to go out, terrible spasms had me crawling on the floor, constant bladder infections and severe pain made it clear, I had to have the operation.
I felt disappointed, angry, betrayed and so afraid of western mainstream medicine and hospitals. ‘I’ – as you might remember – wanted to heal this myself and had failed.
The operation took longer due to unexpected complications, the fibroid had grown into the pelvic floor and was hard like a tooth.
The night after the operation I experienced a near-death experience:
Immersed in golden light, I feel like I am levitating. Although I don’t see myself out of body, I know I am not the body. I feel ecstatic. Everything is fluid, pulsating and undulating. I am not scared at all and everything feels sacred.
In my heart I am overflowing with gratitude. I am still alive.
I see words come into my consciousness although I know I am not thinking. The words become images, like single frames in a feature film.
I am carried back in time to the event of the sexual abuse. I see my uncle. I am a little child. I see the word ‘why’ with a big question mark on what looks like a billboard.
The ‘why’ offers an energetic link to a parallel life in Nazi Germany. Now I am seeing a split screen of my own movie, one shows the little girl, the other screen starts showing images of 1942. I see that I kill myself in the Nazi past life-time because I did not have the courage to speak and stand for my truth. I witness massive amounts of guilt inside of me. An aspect of ‘me’ understands on the heart level that the guilt of the past made me feel so worthless and not enough in today’s life.
Suddenly I hear: “You punished yourself with such HARDNESS for making a mistake.” This sentence or sound vibration repeats slow-motion at least three times.
Then layers and layers of hardness of this life-time surface and I get to feel the pain again. It hurts. It hurts a lot.
All of it happens at the same time. Actually there is no linear time awareness.
Eventually my body and being is flooded with an energy that I would call forgiveness. Waves of forgiveness. Sweet forgiveness for myself and everybody else involved.
Then something inside of me exclaims: “THIS-IS-THE-CAUSE! My own hardness created this hard tumor.” Please keep in mind that I am attempting to put this ethereal experience into words.
In this moment of realization I feel how the cause – like a comet – leaves my energy field. Whoosh!
Golden Light envelopes me like a big soft fuzzy blanket and permeates each and every cell. I experience the deepest, purest, divine love I have ever felt. I am love. I am peace. I am infinite.
A voice, soft and yet determined speaks to me: “You go back and share with people the importance of Self-Love. Let them know that Self-Love is the connection to the Divine or source. When you practice Self-Love, you remember who you truly are, you remember your very own divine spark. Self-Love will reveal your purpose. You fill yourself with love. You become and embody love. All there is – is love. The ‘I am’ is love. Love is a noun, a verb and a daily practice. Joya, never ever forget to love yourself and share it with others! “
Each breath I now see in different colors. My cells are vibrating in love. Breathing in love. Breathing out love. A thought enters my being: “I want this to last forever.” And I know in this very moment, this experience will be soon be complete. I feel a strong pull. A jolt like when you wake up and land in your body again.
Slowly the pain kicks in and I remember that I had an operation.
My Near-Death Experience gifted me so much. I understood to complete my specific healing journey, I had to trust the doctors, overcome my fear of hospitals and drop the story “I am all alone” – allowing my parents, especially my mom, to take care of me. The cause was finally revealed. And my new assignment to embody and teach Self-Love was waiting.
The wounds of the past were healed.